Thanks to this amazing book, The Artist's Way (by Julia Cameron) and a little encouragement from my dear friend in the Netherlands, GLOW GIRL is back! The Artist's Way is a self-guided 12 week creativity course intended to facilitate opening your creativity back up using the tools and exercises outlined in the book. Thanks to my mom who gave me this book back in November 2004. Over the years i have tried numerous attempts to get through it but never managed to complete its entirety for reasons beyond my understanding.
GLOW GIRL was formed out of one of those attempts back in June 2009 and now it has managed to come back in a new form - with perhaps more purpose and clarity than before. This past January, after feeling stuck and hopeless - my eye caught the well worn book sitting on my shelf and i decided to give it ago - yet again. I dove right in and have been using the tools everyday (not perfectly) but every day for 3 months now and i have experienced some miraculous changes in my creativity!
One of my intentions of unblocking my creativity was to get back in touch with my violin again which at first seemed nearly impossible. My relationship to the violin has been a love/hate from the very day i started playing in 1994. I remember being in fourth grade and my mom signed me up for violin lessons in the public school. I showed up to my first lesson and they gave me a violin in a case and a metal stand. I didn't even know what the violin was. I was bewildered to say the least. Shortly after, I joined the orchestra and started practicing everyday. I remember my great-grandmother yelling from downstairs, "Stop that Racket!!" when i was practicing in my room. I was a bit offended but still kept playing. Sometimes i would get so frustrated with myself i would throw my violin against the wall. That's the kind of hate i experienced for 8 years all the way through high school. Kind of like a punishment to myself for never being "good enough" or getting the notes down "perfectly."
I had trained with some of the best instructors in the Chicago area. At 15, I formed a quartet and we played inside supermarkets, restaurants and on the streets of Chicago during the holidays. I managed to raise enough money from playing on the streets to go to Europe and tour with the McHenry County Youth Orchestra for 18 days - playing in France, Germany and Switzerland. It was an incredible experience to play for the Europeans. I found the German audience to be the most jolly, enthusiastic crowd to ever play for! They would stand up, clap and cheer - it was really awesome!
When i was 16, i auditioned for Northwestern University's prestigious summer music program . It was a 5 week intensive training that involved intense (and scary) master classes with a busy schedule and rigorous rehearsals. I was one of the 16 violinists accepted into the program. There were kids from all around the world who played all different types of instruments. We all stayed on campus for 5 weeks straight. I met the coolest kids ever and had the opportunity to play at the Symphony Center in Chicago which was quite an honor.
By 16 and 17, I was competing at high school level competitions where judges would critique your performance. I had never thought of studying music performance in college - that seemed too serious. There was a lot of pressure my senior year of high school - I remember my English teacher saying about the SAT's, "This test will determine the rest of your Future!!!" That was so terrifying. I figured since i was already playing, i might as well audition to conservatories since i didn't know what else i would do. College level violin takes it to a WHOLE new level. Very serious deal trying to get into schools. I had entered a very competitive field. My first choice was Northwestern University. I thought I may have a good chance since i already worked with some of the professors however, i didn't get in. And that's kinda where i left off. At 19, I completely stopped playing, sold my car and moved to Europe to travel the world to pursue my modelling career.
It's been about 10 years now and i have accomplished quite a few things however, there has always been a void in my heart. A hopelessness i could never come close enough to understanding. What i realized is that there was a lot of compassion missing in my relationship to the violin. The constant beating myself up for not being "good enough" had turned into a manifestation of low self worth and depression.
This past February, after about 4 weeks of working the Artist's Way, I started pulling my violin out once in a while. And then before you know it, there was a sign from the Divine! A talent show at work was announced and i knew it was an opportunity for me to start the healing process. Some friends at work were interested in playing and so we got together a few times and put this cover song together. Everything seemed so effortless!
I'm sure to have more creative developments to come and GLOW GIRL is here to witness them all - every step along the way :)
XO
GG
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